A Day In The Life Of A Closer Reader

Just Another Day

That flipping alarm woke me up again! And it rudely interrupted a rather scrummy dream I was having about Ashley Taylor-Dawson. I came to just as he was rescuing a young kid from drowning off the coast of Cornwall. Not sure what I was doing there though. So I smacked the snooze button and got another 9 minutes of Ash. I just had to find out what happened next. When the radio went off a second time Johnny and Denise were doing one of those Sunsilk competitions again. So I rang in and, amazingly, won a free night out with a mate and a whole bunch of other ladies. Result!

As always, there was a queue for the Oyster card top-up machine at the tube. Quickly scanned the ticket hall for manbeasts - more combover saddos than tasty hunks - then picked up the Metro and headed straight for the horoscopes. Mine said some some crap about my ‘assiduousness at work shall be compensated with fruitful rewards further down the line’. Schyeah, right. Fat chance!

I read the 60-second interview with Tom Jones when I got on the tube. Hasn’t he aged well?! I can see why Mum still fancies him. I did mean to glance through the current affairs and politics section but.….zzzzzzz, I fell asleep. My head graciously slopped against the glass divide. I must’ve looked a real stunner with my trap wide open and a faint, echoing snore emanating from within. Well, at least I got a seat.

Late in at work. Slipped by unnoticed though because Jess, who sits next to me, kindly saved my skin by turning on my computer and setting up my desk to look like I’d already arrived. I love Jess, she’s the best.

Did some work. Emailed Megan to see if she wanted to be my guest for the Sunsilk prize. Did a little bit more work. Surfed for my celeb fix of the day. I see that Melissa Joan Hart has had ANOTHER baby boy!! Little Braydon (naff name) was born after only 10 hours of labour. It only seems like yesterday that she was Clarissa and Sabrina. Go Momma!

I also watched Britney's new video on Popsugar. It looks like one of those old cartoons we used to watch as kids. Not sure whether I love it or hate:

Break the Ice


Megan sent me a link to another Chris Cocker clip too. I cant help but watch this chick (?). He's like a trainwreck:



Made it through to lunchtime. Got a yummy couscous salad from The Salad Factory that had only 7 grams of fat in it. And most of that was in the dressing. Get me!

All was ruined only moments later, though. The Devil must be working for Sainsbury’s these days because I spied a 2-4-1 spesh on Jaffa Cakes. Gits! Ate a jaffa whilst reading an article in the new Closer about eating disorders. Got to the bottom of the article at about the same time as the bottom of the jaffa box. I didn’t even know I was doing it! Felt insanely guilty. Therefore, gave 2nd packet of jaffas away. Probably should think about logging onto the Closerdiets website sometime soon.

After work I was going to show my face at Holmes Place to try to get rid of the jaffa bulge, but got waylaid by a gorgeous, bow print dress in Karen Millen. I want! Hundred and sixty quid though! Popped down to TopShop instead to get an el cheapo version for the free night out with Megan and the Sunsilk ladies.

I don’t remember much after arriving at the bar, aside from meeting Denise then playing some weird games involving balloons and shots. Worra laff! I was pretty hammered when we left. Perfect timing for a random text from Tony. What the hell does he want? I bet he was as pissed as I was. He probably wanted to whine about that mangy pet he calls ‘his girlfriend’. Maybe she’s been crapping on the carpet again. Haha. Tough. Let him stew in it. Still, I do miss him sometimes though.

Forgot Tony in an instant when I caught a hot bloke eyeing up my legs on the tube escalator. Thank God I de-fuzzed in the shower this morning.

Fell asleep on the tube, AGAIN! Woken up by a weird bloke in Morden, AGAIN!

Thankfully got the only black cab in the whole of South London. Why don’t they have Oyster pre-pay in black cabs?!